Good morning world. This will probably be short as I have to get the rest of the family up and moving this morning. We have to be in Springfield at the funeral home before 9:30. It takes a little more than an hour to get there. The boys still have chores to do this morning. I already have a load of laundry going and a few scattered dishes soaking in the sink.
Today is bittersweet. The boys will get to see family they have not seen in years. They will get to say goodbye to their much loved Poppa. They will get to hug Nana's neck.
On the uncomfortable side, their birth mother will be there also. I have asked her to not talk to the boys. They are upset enough as it is. I have also talked to the boys about not talking to her. This morning when I got up, I might have a change of heart. I am thinking about taking them and her into a room so they can say hi to each other. I have told them both that this is not the time or the place for big questions. That this is a time for Poppa and Nana. I think it might be good for the boys, maybe. I think I will just wait to see how I it goes when I get there.
My oldest accused me of being jealous. After thinking about that for some time, I just might be if I was going to be honest with myself. If I am going to be honest here, I never wanted the boys to know they were adopted in the first place. That was difficult to do when we would go to visit Nana & Poppa and their older brother (from a different dad) lived with them.
So I am in a quandry. The boys' reaction was mixed. Tommy, was upset and argued with me. David, was understanding. P.J. got upset. I think he was upset because Tommy was upset. I really do not want the boys upset today or upset with me. Personally, I have a hard time when it comes to funerals. I tend to shut down emotionally. I do not have time to shut down today. I have to be vigilant and emotionally available to the boys, Nana, others of the family I know.
Jesus, please be with me today. Show me how to handle each situation as it comes up. Give the peace that surpasses all understanding to my boys and the family. Lord, thank you for the blessing of having Poppa in our lives. I know he is in no pain and walking just fine today. That and the promise we will see him again is such a blessing! In Jesus name, AMEN
Be blessed and be a blessing,
Just some of my thoughts an actions,
Elizabeth
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